I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
