Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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