I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
