i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
