I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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