All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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