some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
