She said her name was "party"
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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