he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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