New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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