Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
