Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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