He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
