3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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