my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hippo gnu deer
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
