mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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