I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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