How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I touched a dick in church today
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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