Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
