Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He better not be in your backpack
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
