it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
