i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
