I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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