We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
