Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
