i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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