got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
