Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
