He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize