You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
