So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
