he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
