i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is classic penis vs brain.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize