Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
