she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
