Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
