Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
