everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
