In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
