The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Farmville is her only friend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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