We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
