When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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