I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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