Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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