She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
