I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
