conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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