How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
