Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
