man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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