I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
