Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
