Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
