Dual....:-)
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
