Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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