The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
