Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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