nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
