I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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