D3 body, D1 cock
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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