Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
