Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
