Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
