Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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