Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can you bring me the toilet please
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
