Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
