She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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