hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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