Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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