Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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